A Hanukkah Miracle: BJJ Belt Stays Tied For Eight Rolls Instead Of One

In what is being described as a “miracle”, Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner Andrew Klein reported Friday morning that his belt had stayed on for eight straight rolls during class the previous night.

Klein, a blue belt, detailed the incident to a Jiu-Jitsu Times reporter earlier today: “I don’t know how to explain it. Normally I have to toss my belt to the side by the end of the first roll, or at least fix it between rounds. But yesterday I just had to tuck my gi back in during our thirty-second breaks.” Klein went on to say that he didn’t have to completely retie his belt until after the eighth round, at which point he and his team members were given a full minute to get some water and fix their uniforms.

Klein describes himself as a man of faith, but said that although he’s always kept an open mind, this was the first time he’d seen a miracle with his own eyes. “It just defies everything I thought I knew about the earthly laws of belt physics,” he said, shaking his head. “If anything, I thought all the latkes I’d been eating over the past few nights might’ve put some extra strain on my belt, but instead, the opposite seems to have happened.”

Some witnesses in the academy expressed surprise that Klein was the one who’d been chosen to experience the supernatural event. “He shows up to class and trains hard, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not, like, the next Buchecha or anything,” says one teammate, who asked to remain anonymous. “We have a guy in here who’s a purple belt, won Pans twice, regularly beats brown and black belts in sub-only tournaments… I just think he deserved it a bit more.” The teammate hurriedly added, however, that he didn’t want to “question the Powers That Be” as he rubbed his bad shoulder and looked up at the sky.

Not all of Klein’s teammates are convinced that the unusual event was beyond the scope of scientific reasoning, though. “It’s not normal, but the idea that this is divine intervention is foolish,” said Mitchell Johnson, a four-stripe white belt. “I’ve watched numerous YouTube videos on belt-tying, and from my research, I can conclude that there are various knot structures that would enable a belt to last eight rolls.” When asked if he had personally gone eight rounds without having to retie his belt, Johnson replied, “No comment.”

Klein, for his part, has mixed emotions about the event. “Now I’m just wondering, what’s next? It was cool, but am I some kind of jiu-jitsu Messiah now? I mean, it would be cool to be able to part the sea of sweat that ends up on the mat at no-gi, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.” He paused. “Though it would be cool to be able to turn water into preworkout.”

The Jiu-Jitsu Times also reached out to Klein’s coach, Marcos Gonzalez, who claimed to be “unimpressed” with the phenomenon. “Call me when Andrew stops holding people in his closed guard and actually tries for a submission,” he said. “Now that would be a miracle.”


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