In a scandal that has shocked his local jiu-jitsu community, Brazilian jiu-jitsu blue belt Jackson Williams has revealed screenshots that he believes are evidence of a long-distance “emotional affair” between his longtime girlfriend and a self-proclaimed “manufacturer and exporters of martial arts sportswear and equipment.”
According to Williams, the contact between Kirsten Myers and an individual who goes by the name Xtremeboxing Mmagear first began back in April, when Mmagear first sent Myers a message on Facebook.
“She’s a blue belt now, too, so I expected this kind of attention from other guys,” Williams told the Jiu-Jitsu Times. “And the dude was way too forward for her — going into detail about his ‘gear’ and bragging about its ‘variety of sizes and colors.’ He even asked if she wanted a sample. Like, whoa, dude. Pump the brakes, you know?” Williams says that Myers ignored Mmagear’s first message, and he thought no more of it.
But Mmagear was persistent, and last week, Williams says his girlfriend’s suitor changed tactics. “I wasn’t worried when he was sending her these long-winded ramblings. It all seemed like a copy/paste message that he was just sending to every other chick, because there’s no way he was typing up poetry like that just for Kirsten,” he says. “But then came the pics.”
Williams says Myers’ phone went off “at least ten times” while she was in the shower one day, and his curiosity got the better of him and he snooped. He opened her inbox to find eleven photos of items including jiu-jitsu gis, belts, and even kickboxing shinguards. “He’s trying every angle now,” says Williams. “He’s done his research and knows what she values. This is his version of flashing wads of cash or fancy jewelry. He’s showing her what he can offer. Tale as old as time.”
That’s when Williams discovered that Mmagear had, in fact, sent multiple messages to his girlfriend over the course of the past few months.
“He changed his game. He got smarter over time,” says Williams. “He started out with ‘Good day sir’ in his first message — maybe a joke? Anyway, it clearly didn’t land. Then he tried the same message, but led with ‘Hello dear.’ Very forward, almost desperate. But his latest message started off with ‘Dear sir/madam.’ Polite, gender-inclusive, open-minded — everything chicks want in a man these days. No wonder she responded.”
Myers, for her part, didn’t hesitate to share her response to Mmagear with the Jiu-Jitsu Times. “No thanks,” it reads.
The reply back from her accused affair partner: “Ok madam.”
“Can you blame me for breaking down?” asks Williams. “‘Ok madam’? That’s some Pride and Prejudice sh*t. I’ll have to stand in the rain holding a boombox over my head to even begin to compare to that level of melodramatic yearning.”
Myers denies any kind of romantic connection with Mmagear and says that she has tried multiple times to explain to her boyfriend that “everyone” in jiu-jitsu gets these kinds of messages. “I thought he’d be able to sympathize since he basically does the exact same thing to apparel and supplement companies to try to get sponsorships, but he sees those as two different things,” she said with a shrug.
Williams hopes that he and Myers can move on from this scandalous period in their relationship. “I’m hitting up this CBD oil company later today, and I like my prospects — I’ve got a couple of silver medals I think they’d like to see. I’m kind of a big deal in my gym. Once they get back to me, I’ll finally be able to treat Kirsten to all the mouthguards her heart desires.”