Do You Know a Dirty Freeloading BJJ Hippie? Here are the Signs of One

Dirty hippies are everywhere from liberal arts colleges, feminist rallies, and vegan restaurants. They have also managed to infiltrate your local BJJ academy. We have all come across at least one dirty, freeloading BJJ hippie while training in BJJ. It might be the guy that only signs up for free trial memberships at a gym and then balks at the end of the trial when the coach tells him how much it would cost to sign up. The dirty hippie will usally say something like

“$120 a month? That is way too much man. Why can’t you just share the art bro?”

While the rational person would think the coach’s price is reasonable considering the 10 plus years of training by the coach, the quality of coaching, limited number of BJJ coaches in the area, as well as the cost of rent, mats, and maintenance, the dirty BJJ hippie would think otherwise. In the warped mind of a BJJ hippie, there is a false sense of entitlement where the BJJ hippie is the victim of the man in a capitalist society while also lacking any drive, work ethic, or aptitude in their life off of the mats. To make up for the perceived injustices of society, the dirty BJJ hippie believes others should support his/her grappling endeavors because the dirty BJJ hippie loves playing the role of the victim.

Here are a few a few characteristics you can use to gauge whether you have been exposed to a dirty, freeloading BJJ hippie

Gripes about mat fees: Believes open mats should be free to all. Will show up at random gym where he/she has never trained, doesn’t know the coaches or students and expects to waltz onto the mats to roll around for an hour. When confronted with a mat fee, the usual response will be “I thought this is an ‘OPEN’ mat bro.” Rather than pay the mat fee, the dirty, freeloading hippie will sulk and leave.

Bums stuff off training partners: Maybe the dirty BJJ hippie has enrolled in your school. During class, the dirty BJJ doesn’t bring water and hits you up for a swig of your limited water supply. The dirty BJJ hippie will also hit you up for rides home after class since the government’s public transportation service is screwing him over by not running on his/her schedule. Even if the dirty hippie is well aware that you live in the east side, he will still ask for a ride to the west side of town with a sob story that will make you lose sleep at night if you didn’t give the dirty BJJ hippie a ride home. At a tournament, the dirty BJJ hippie will be the one person that tries to bum an acai bowl off you buy lining up with you hoping you will take pity and buy the dirty BJJ hippie a bowl.

Thinks all BJJ related companies should give away free stuff to grow the art: The dirty BJJ hippie will complain whenever a BJJ business charges for products or services.

Defense Soap? – “Bro, they should give it out for free so we don’t get staph rather than make money off us.

Pay-per-view feed for major BJJ event? – “Rather than charge us, they should grow the sport by giving it to us for free.

Shoyoroll – “Instead of being a kimono company for the rich, how about they lower the price so everybody can afford it.”

Dirty BJJ hippies want free stuff with no regard to the work, effort, and costs someone else has to put in to create a product, event or service.

Sets up numerous GoFundMe campaigns to enter every tournament and travel: Shamelessly sets up series of GoFundMe campaigns so others can pay for his/her tournament expenses. The GoFundMe campaign will have some passive aggressive write up about how nobody believed in the dirty BJJ hippie and the dirty BJJ hippie is out to prove all the haters wrong.  In order to make it happen, the dirty BJJ hippie just needs $3,000 for the weekend trip that really only costs $500, but every cent helps. The best part of the GoFundMe campaign is how you will be sent several emails and messages asking you to donate to the fund. You will also be cornered at the gym with a face-to-face sales pitch. You want to explain to the dirty BJJ hippie how you work 50 plus hours each week so you can afford your luxuries like BJJ and the dirty hippie could get a job too, but that would go over a dirty BJJ hippie’s head.

Keeps talking about what they will do, while living in mom’s basement: The dirty BJJ hippie has tons of plans from owning a pot dispensary, starting a BJJ hemp t-shirt company to running a BJJ school where there are no fees and ‘the art will be shared.’ The only thing stopping any of these things from happening is the dirty BJJ hippie’s own laziness, lack of funds, and smoking too much weed while listening to crappy jam band music.

Do these characteristics match anybody you have rolled with?

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