Don’t Date A Girl Who Trains Jiu-Jitsu

Photo Source: Issys Calderon Photography

A lot of guys out there claim that they want to find a woman who trains jiu-jitsu. On the surface, I can see how it would look appealing: there’s something undeniably awesome about a lady who can choke a person out with his own arm. But before you start chatting up that hot girl who trains, ask yourself if you’re really prepared for what’s involved in dating a jiujiteira.

A girl who trains jiu-jitsu can look like a knockout if she puts her mind to it, but most nights, she’s going to come home looking like she just got beat up… mostly because that’s exactly what happened. Her fingers will be calloused and torn rather than manicured, her hair will be tangled instead of curled, and the smell of her perfume will be replaced by the stench of her teammates’ sweat. Her impassable guard will help her legs look amazing in shorts, but the bruises that cover her body might get her some strange looks from people who don’t know her.

If you’re the jealous type, you definitely shouldn’t date a girl who trains jiu-jitsu. She loves her teammates more than life itself, and yep, that includes the men. They’ve already proven that they’ll be there for her through all the ups and downs that life has to offer. They’ve comforted her in defeat, celebrated her in victory, and pushed her to her limit when she felt like giving up. The bond that she shares with them is something that transcends friendship— these guys (and girls) are her family, and she’s not going to give them up for you or anyone else. If you make her choose between you and them, you will get laughed right out of her life.

Don’t even flirt with a girl who trains jiu-jitsu if you feel emasculated by her toughness. She’s quite used to choking out bodybuilders and state champion wrestlers. She knows how to submit people who are fifty pounds heavier than her, and she barely even flinches anymore when she gets an accidental knee to the face. She’s not out to prove anything to anyone except herself, but it’s OK if your jaw drops the first time you see her dominate a guy who looks like he could crush her with his bare hands. This kind of woman doesn’t make excuses for herself, and she’s not going to make any for you if you feel intimidated by her.

A girl who trains jiu-jitsu has zero patience for your oh-so-clever comments about how you “could spend all day in her guard” or how she “can put you in a triangle any time.” Trust me— she’s heard it all before, and it gets less and less amusing with time. If you’d trained with her just once, you’d know that her guard is the last place you’d want to be and that her triangle choke is enough to make you fear ever going near a woman’s legs again. This girl has had to work damn hard to be taken seriously in this sport, and she has no patience for little boys who make light of her passion by sexualizing it.

Don’t date a girl who trains jiu-jitsu if you can’t stand to be apart from her. The gym is her sanctuary, her teammates are her therapists, and rolling is the thing that saves her from the world. The time she spends training is invaluable to her, and no matter how much she likes you, she’s not going to be willing to give that up for a relationship. If you want to see her, you’re going to have to schedule that around class time. If you really want to win her heart, though, you’ll show up and train with her.

If you want to be a Prince Charming to a damsel in distress, stay far away from a girl who trains jiu-jitsu. Every time she steps onto the mat, she proves that she can save herself. She’s not just fighting her opponents, but also the voice in her head that tells her she’s too small, too weak, too everything to be good at this. She knows how to pick herself up and try again even when the odds are stacked against her, and if she fails, she jumps right back into the fray to give it another shot. She’s survived bloody noses, busted elbows, and a badly damaged ego, and she’s still willing to come back for more. She’s not only proven that she can save herself— she’s also proven time and time again that she’s willing to put herself in harm’s way just for the fun of it.

Lord have mercy on you if you tell a girl who trains jiu-jitsu what she “should” or “shouldn’t” do. She gives zero bothers if you think that fighting is a “man’s sport” or if you’re uncomfortable with her rolling around with other guys. She’s seen the comments that inevitably appear under any article about Gabi Garcia or Cris Cyborg, and she’ll send you on your merry way without a second thought if you speak about her like that. Whether she’s muscular, thin, chubby, or somewhere in between, she values her body for what it can do, and if you try to make her feel bad for it, you won’t last long with her.

Not everyone can handle dating a BJJ girl, and that’s fine— we aren’t really the type who need to be in a relationship to feel complete. But if you still think you’re up to the task, it’ll be worth it. Jiu-jitsu girls may be headstrong and hard to handle at times, but the self-confidence and humility they learn on the mats make them not only great girlfriends, but great partners. They understand the need to give as much as they get, and they know how to fix problems with patience rather than force.

Don’t date a girl who trains jiu-jitsu unless you accept that this sport isn’t something that she does— it’s something that’s a part of her. Jiu-jitsu is ingrained into her very soul, and she couldn’t give it up any easier than she could give up breathing. If you can’t handle the person she’s become as a result of it, it’s best to leave her alone. But if you can embrace her passion as strongly as you embrace her, you might just have a chance at something truly special.


  1. I was excited to read this article, but it sounds like bad dating advice for insecure men. Most people who don’t train will not have a clue to the lifestyle, but any sex male or female is attracted to the dedication, commitment, and a healthy lifestyle. You make it sound that BJJ is too cool for this imaginary person.

  2. I must disagree with this article my wife trains and trains hard her hands are wonderful when she works message therapy on myself and her training partners she is an inspiration to me as well as countless others the type of man this article portrays is shallow and self centered two traits that a kits player will not have so for the author get it rite or don’t write it

  3. This is not exactly how I see it. My husband and both of my daughters train on a daily. My husband owns the gym so inevitably it is his obligation to do this at times even when as a couple married for 20 years there are things I have to sacrifice . Yes it is his passion, dream, and career but I am his wife and respecting me and my passions, time, and respect of our life together. RESPECT is a huge part of jujitsu. So with that being said how could a spouse male or female not feel insecure when this article just clearly stated as my partner you will never come first over jujitsu . Hell I get more comments while pumping gas that are disrespectful, vulgar, and demeaning to a women. So scratch that off your list. Bumps, bruises and tangled hair can happen at a mommy and me gymnastics class. I still pump gas and those little girls prob still go to gymnastics. There’s no metal for that nor does it make you different. Rolling jujitsu is like taking out the trash, just as many women do it these days as men. Your no diamond in the ruff. I also know that for every man that makes sexual, sexist , rude comments there are women in this sport who are just as shitty! So pretty much a relationship is 100% from both sides weather your baking cupcakes or getting kneed in the face. If your family is on the mat……. well in my opinion you might as well sleep there!


  4. WOW, I didn’t expect such harsh comments. I think many people took the author’s words quite literally.
    I (M) train BJJ for about 8 years, my wife for 2 years. I absolutely see truth in most of what is said (be it was a bit exaggerated for dramatization purposes).

    She still is a white belt and her shoulder pressure from side control is amazing. Sometime I find it difficult to stop her Knee On Belly to mount. Which makes me very proud of her and sexy over all 😉

    In regards to smell, yes her GI obviously doesn’t smell like roses after couple of good rolls but in comparison to mine it still smells fresh. Oh and bruises! She is quite pale person and you could see her bruises on her legs and arms from a distance. Sometimes I suspect that people might think that she is living in an abusive relationship LOL.

    Men comments? I don’t think guys ever flirted with her but I overheard some of them (especially new guys) liking her looks. NOTE: not to objectify my wife but she is late 20s, tall, blond…she is really pretty.
    Being said that, I am not going to deny that “sexual comments” never happen to other women, I was told they do. But overall, BJJ that I know, is very respectful towards everyone (men or women). Plus, it amazes me to hear that some men CAN think about sex while rolling. Bro, if I rolled with a naked BJJ girl I still would have been worried about my knee shield and her pass.

    Sometimes I watch my wife roll with white belt guys and see her pass guard and even submit some of them. That makes me feel so at ease to see her handling the bigger men. Which doesn’t stop me from “criticizing” her harshly when I see her make simple basic mistakes. Criticize might not be the best word but you know what I am talking about.

    The bottom line, I like the article overall. And encourage every woman to try BJJ for at least 2 years to be able to take care of business when necessary.

  5. Your article saved my life. I’ve been struggling a lot in BJJ because my body doesn’t move like everyone else’s. My wrists and ankles haven’t had movement in them since birth and I’m super inflexible. Plus it takes me a while to catch on to things. I hate it when some new person comes in and grasp something right away that took me weeks to learn. It’s very embarrassing. I’ve thought about quitting several times, to my dismay because I can’t get enough BJJ. I was feeling very depressed until I read this. You’re very inspiring. Made me think why I started BJJ in the first place. Thank you.

  6. don’t date a girl that does jiu jitsu – MARRY HER! hahaha this looks like revenge article because a man didn’t want to date you sorry I mean this in the nicest way 🙁 This is too much of a generalisation of a Jiujiteira, like for e.g. I certainly don’t love my team mates more than I love my husband he is the one going thru thick and thin with me – but he is my professor so maybe it is easier just to date someone that does jiu jitsu with you


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here