What We Wished You Guys Knew: THE LADIES VIEW

I’m so fired up, I’m not even going with my usual introductory precursor on this one. I’m just going to dive right in. I think we’ve formed a pretty good rapport, I trust you can handle yourselves. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. I believe in you, honest! You’ve rallied from the dashing of dreams, you’ve had the wool pulled from your eyes but mustered-up! Hold up. Before I dive in, I will say I’m just a chic, who loves jits; and winning; and I’m competitive. Fair warning I think. So listen, I know the blonde jokes are hillllaaaarious. Considering I’m 5’5” with black hair, & brown eyes… (OOO yah, I know, I know-you had to go back and read that a few times for it to really sink in) they just aren’t that hilarious anymore. I’m kidding, I find them funny because I actually don’t have any common sense.
But that having been said, do you know what really isn’t hilarious at all? The following wasn’t even close to amusing. I looked up sports for guys and this is a cumulative list: Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, muay thai, MMA, boxing, karate, grappling, wrestling, hockey, rugby, football, baseball, car racing, basketball, golf, bull riding, lacrosse, weight lifting, soccer. I also looked up sports for girls and this is a cumulative list:Ice skating, gymnastics, track, swimming, volleyball, tap dancing, ballet, tennis, darts, shopping, horse shoes, softball, speed skating, girl scouts, equestrian, cheer, tumbling ( is that different from gymnastics? I don’t even know) hip hop dance, fencing. So offensive. Why are these two lists so completely different? We aren’t frail, fragile little flowers! I pride myself on being a very fit, athletic and well, BADASS female. Yes, yes indeed! I think most jits chics are full of awesomeness and badassery.
So here it is, what we ladies, across 2 time zones and 8 states, wished you guys knew, and really this applies to all ages (and not once did any of these chics say, “yo, bro take it easy!”)

• Where’s our damn prize money and super fight?
• Lack of recognition.. I mean let’s be honest we swim against the current
• We are few, but we are mighty
• Why are men so stubborn when tapping to us, & then when they do tap “oh, well, I didn’t want to hurt you by fighting it.”
• Tap a guy, next time he rolls with you he’s so pissed off. Omg dude, remember the 100 times we rolled before that ONE TAP?!
• Why are the women of the team the team trip planners?
• Why do you have to muscle thru, as soon as it looks like you’re losing the battle you ditch technique and resort to muscle
• I’m in top position so throw me half way across the room- awesome blossom
• My technique is going to eventually beat your muscle so do us both a favor and just stop it
• I’m not your mom, clean up after yourselves
• If you accidentally grab my boobs just keep rolling – it’s jiu-jitsu and we have to invade each other’s personal space, forgeddaboutit
• That having been said, probably best to avoid commenting on my lack of, or overabundance of, said boobs (probably best to avoid body talk altogether)
• Don’t hit on me! I’m your teammate. Gross dude, just gross!
• Everyone can add something to your training- regardless of belt, size or GENDER
• It’s not easy being in a male dominated sport but we love jiu-jitsu too-try & push yourselves AND US
• Leave your sexist comments at the door, where we ALL check our egos
• Please stop apologizing- we don’t apologize to each other for ripping out hair, neither should you
• Don’t generalize and lump us all together because of our GENDER. We bring something different to the jiu-jitsu table
• We have to wear rash guards or something under our gis, maybe you guys could extend the courtesy and do the same

We all love the sport, and the ladies feel that training with their male teammates is advantageous and are extremely happy, for the most part with things overall. In looking back, we’ve come a long way. That isn’t to say we don’t have a long way to go, but I can also see both sides of this coin. I know that at the end of the day it’s all about putting the best foot forward. We give it our all; and by controlling the things we can, by letting go of the things we cannot- our training, our performance, our reputations and our confidence will grow exponentially. Stack, Nicolini, Ribiero and many others have paved the way for us… and we are paving the way for those yet to come. Regardless of what is said,we deserve- nay command, respect, and give as good as we get.

Our only limitations are those we set in our own mind- Napolean Hill


  1. “We have to wear rash guards or something under our gis, maybe you guys could extend the courtesy and do the same”

    I wear in training what I wear to competitions, therefore no rashguards for me under my gi. New IBJJF rules state nearly the same for women. And look at this way: if it’s sweaty hair, guys have to put up with it as well, from other guys.

  2. We’re trying to undo centuries of conditioning that has taught us to protect women, be gentlemanly, and that touching boobs of someone who isn’t your significant other is inappropriate. Give us some time.

    Plus, I’m perfectly fine if you don’t wear a rash guard under your gi. 😉

  3. I feel like this article is a bit contradictory. It feels like you’re saying don’t give women special treatment while also demanding special treatment at the same time. You frown against us “muscling” in or out of technique, but between two guys, it’s barely an issue. I think it’s better to respect the difference between a man rolling with another man, and rolling with a women. I love that women do this sport. They need it as much as the men do, maybe more. But please stop asking us to give you special treatment yet not give you special treatment. How about I treat women appropriately, while remaining cognizant of their differences, strengths, and weaknesses?

    • Ofcourse muscling is bad when you roll with a guy that is significantly lighter than you. It is not a genderissue, it is an issue of trying to apply the best technique.

    • You read it the same way I did. Technique and Muscle are both used in BJJ. If you get thrown across the room from top position maybe you should let someone bigger take on the guy you are fighting. Or just realise that is part of what you are bump slapping to roll with. I roll with the ladies of my gym all the time. I am 230 pds, I have muscle and I will use it. None of them have cried about it. You should not either.

  4. You can make almost all of these same arguments if you replace “woman” with “white belt” and it would sound just as ridiculous.

  5. If you are a guy and you feel you have to go easier on a woman than a guy when rolling,then you are being subconsciously sexist. Most guys instinctively do this,until they get tapped by a badass chick and their egos get bruised, then you see them trying too hard and get tapped some more, my point is real badass ladies I know just roll,no if,no buts,no complaints, no excuses, there is really no gender on the mat,just shut up and roll.

  6. Yeah, interesting, I can see both sides of this. While I agree that for example I prefer guys to wear a rashie, at the same time I prefer to not have women’s tits in my face and I have to deal with that a lot when they choose to wear inappropriately low-cut shirts, and I also prefer not to have women’s ass cheeks hanging out in no gi but I have to deal with that too. I mean, it’s not a pap test. Put some pants on. So then we can be mad at guys for making comments, or we can be mad at our fellow ladies for deliberately sexualizing a situation that would be better left neutral. “Oh no, I’m just more comfortable with my tits/ass cheeks flapping in the wind.” Sorry, not buying it. I think what I’m trying to say is nobody’s perfect. Guys don’t like to tap, neither do women. If anything I see too many guys letting women out of subs and then when the girls finally do get submitted (like by another girl) they cry about it on social media, or they run and complain that “S/he HURT me.” Yeah well, tap. At the end of the day, bjj is just like life. We all kind of have to take it as it comes and handle our business. If a guy came into a Zumba class and then went online and issued a bunch of Do this, do that, orders, we’d be offended. Bjj is a traditionally male sport. They’re being nice to us. They’re not perfect but neither are we and at the end of the day, as one of my friends told me, “I’d honestly prefer to not have any women in the gym at all. They’re just a pain in the ass.”

    • Most people what don’t wear a rash guard do so because it gets hot under a girl. I don’t wear a rash guard but I do wear a tight sports bra and yes I wear spandex in nogi. It is not at all done because of sexual reasons. If someone hit on me on the mat I would respectfully decline. I’m not there for that. Most girls aren’t either. Very few techniques require a great deal of muscle if done properly. Don’t bench press us and then when we say how about you use technique not strength you say we all use strength. Maybe you should learn some better technique then and try again. I’ve dealt with plenty of men who don’t wanna tap but usually they’re brand new Super masculine white belts. I don’t doubt though that it happens at upper levels as well.

  7. Ok so after hearing some detestable conversations today in mixed company I have to eat my words for disagreeing with this article, regarding topics talked about in the gym anyways. I don’t think it is anything special towards females though, since, as a man, I was equally appalled by the language.


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