Breaking News: Multiple MMA Websites Publish Report on Ronda Rousey

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SAN FRANCISCO – MMA journalists from various news outlets gathered in unprecedented solidarity to publish various articles regarding the personal and professional life of Ronda Rousey.

The Pulitzer Prize Board has been on high alert since Rousey initially rocketed into the public eye. Reports indicate that they have been sifting through article upon article in order to find the best information regarding what Ronda Rousey is currently doing.

“We keep reading, and re-reading articles about [Rousey]. There is so much to learn

Fort Greene Focus
Fort Greene Focus

about her and the life she leads. It’s difficult to narrow our search down to just one prize-winning article,” says one Pulitzer Prize Board member who wished to remain anonymous. “It seems like no matter what we do, there is always some sort of new article to read through. To be perfectly honest, we’ve considered creating a new category for the [Pulitzer] that is 100% devoted to journalists reporting on Rousey.”

The Olympic Judoka stole the spotlight early in her career and is largely responsible for women’s MMA in the UFC. Sources near Dana White report that there is plenty of information regarding Rousey that MMA journalists are simply missing the opportunity to report.

“That’s absurd,” says MMA journalist, Jeffrey Winslow. “Just last week we reported that she had made comments regarding her preference to become naturally lubricated during sex instead of using artificial lubricant.”

Other MMA journalists disagree with Winslow’s opinion. “It’s true. We could be doing more,” said Michael Sanders, a reporter for Bloody Elbow. “I mean, just this week we had a long debate about whether or not to publish an article about her soup preferences. It was ultimately decided against, but I still think we could have really shown readers a new side of [Rousey]. It’s chicken noodle, by the way.”

On the surface it would seem as though there are numerous other fighters within the UFC roster who could use more media attention. However, MMA reporters assure us that this is not the case; and have further made clear that unless the story is in regards to Conor McGregor, an athlete using drugs or abusing a loved one, they have no need to report on anything outside of the life of Ronda Rousey, even going so far as to write articles about her name being mentioned in a rap song by Eminem.


“Look, it’s not that we don’t care about any of the other fighters out there,” Brad Thompson of MMA Latest said. “It’s that we just really don’t give a shit about them.”

Stanford University lecturer on Journalism, Professor Ian Cumberland, was quoted saying, “I’m happy there is so much new reporting happening in regards to Ms. Rousey. Recently, I’ve changed my entire curriculum to better fit the level of reporting needed to cover her entire personal life. Frankly, if by 2018 we haven’t been able to report on her every last thought, action, and sexual encounter, we will have failed as journalists. We’ve our integrity to preserve.”

When we asked our source at MMA Fighting what their next move was in regards to Rousey we were told, “I dunno. There’s not really anything new going on with her right now, so we’re probably just going to find a really old video of her or something and act like it’s rarely been seen before.”


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