BREAKING: Grown-Up Tells You, Another Grown-Up, Where You Can & Can’t Train


A grown-ass man has set strict parameters about where you, a fellow grown-ass adult, are allowed to train, according to a report sent to the Jiu-Jitsu Times.

The man, who is not your father, reportedly believes that this is a normal and healthy demand for a coach to make of a student.

The Jiu-Jitsu Times has also learned that you pay this man real money and that he is not your employer.

When contacted for comment, the man explained his reasoning for the rule.

“I don’t want my students to go to other gyms because they might give away my secret techniques to rival gyms,” he said.

An investigation by the Jiu-Jitsu Times revealed that the coach did not know any techniques that were not available to learn for free on YouTube.

The coach insists, however, that his rules are not totalitarian, as he will occasionally grant requests for his students to train at pre-approved academies provided that:
1. There are no classes taking place at his own academy at that time
2. He is friends with the other instructor
3. You address him as “Master,” “Professor,” or “Daddy” when making the request

The man, who told the JJT that he would not expect to be banned from his local supermarket if he chose to get his groceries elsewhere, says that he doesn’t fear you leaving him after discovering that another gym offers better service and more freedom.

“That’s not what this is about,” he says. “I’m protecting my students. No one else would treat them as good as I do. Have you seen other coaches these days? If my students left, they’d never find another nice guy like me. So no, I’m not worried. As long as they obey my rules, they’ll be fine.”

The Jiu-Jitsu Times has requested that you blink twice if you need help.


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